"I had nothing as a man; things were that bad to attract her. It may shock you that on my wedding day; I had no shoes to wear to church. It was my bestman, James Okereke, who had to quickly rush to a place to buy a pair of shoe for me to use. I had no car to drive to the wedding; there was just nothing, The suit I wore on the day of my wedding was provided for me by Okereke at the last minute. Things were that bad, but I thank God today for everything and my wife for believing in me and standing by me".
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Before the curtain suddenly fell on her on Saturday, August 3, 2024, she was different things to those whose paths crossed with her.
She was a mother, a role model, a mentor, a teacher, a prophet and pastor among other good virtues in life.
To her husband, she was a rare gem who believed in him and stood by him even in the era when the future looked bleak.
If wishes were horses that one could ride on, many of those people that Rev. Pastor (Mrs ) Fola Achudume had touched their lives would have wished and prayed that God returns her to the mankind to continue her Godly and philanthropic assignments.
But alas, she has gone to the world beyond; never to be seen again on this side of the planet, except perhaps only in dreams.
Before her exit, Fola Achudume, wife of Apostle Lawrence Achudume , the General Overseer of Victory Life Bible Church had raised many lives literarily from gutters and restored hopes to the hopeless.
They were mainly young girls añd ladies who had aĺmost lost hopes in life. She made them a pride to themselves as well as to their family members.
Below is an excerpt from an interview I had with her and her heart throbe, Apostle Lawrence Achudume about 8 years.
Adieu a dear sister!.
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Apostle & Rev.(Mrs) Lawrence Achudume are perfect example of blissful marriage in the vineyard of God
Despite their diffdrent tribal background, the couple have been living as husband and wife for the past over 25 years and are still waxing stronger.
While Lawrence hails from Ukwani Local Government Area of Delta State, Folake is from Ibadan, the Oyo State capital.
The couple, who now leads the Victory Life Bible Church in Abeokuta, Ogun State capital met during their National Youth Service Corp in Kaduna in 1991.
They got married in November 1992 and are blessed with four children, two males and two females.
In this interview, the couple shared the secrets of their marriage and how they have been able to surmount their marital challenges, amid tribal differences.
Q: How did you meet?
Wife: We met in Kaduna, Kaduna State during our National Youth Service Corp in far away Kaduna in 1991 and got married in November 1992.
Husband: She is right, we met in Kaduna.
Q: For how long did you court before your marriage?
Husband: We got engaged in 1991, but we got married in 1992, barely one and a half years after.
Wife: That's how God wants it to be.
Q: Was the courtship not too short?
Husband: Not really. Infact, that's why the marriage is waxing stronger. I have seen those qualities in her so I wasted no time in proposing marriage to her and I thank God that I did not regret my action. I know I was going to be a pastor, so I wanted to settle the issue of marriage once. You will be shocked that I married when I had barely nothing.; no room of my own; I was squatting with some friends. I did not consider that when I was proposing to marry her. I believe in God that she was my right future partner.
I had nothing as a man; things were that bad to attract her. It may shock you that on my wedding day; I had no shoes to wear to church. It was my bestman, James Okereke, who had to quickly rush to a place to buy a pair of shoe for me to use. I had no car to drive to the wedding; there was just nothing, The suit I wore on the day of my wedding was provided for me by Okereke at the last minute. Things were that bad, but I thank God today for everything and my wife for believing in me and standing by me.: At the last minute, your best man provided the suit you wore for the wedding. Were you not prepared for the day?
Husband: Yes, you can get prepared, but the means may not be there like in my own case. All I was interested was to get married, pursue my life and not those things associated with preparation of marriage. I was a bit naive about marriage preparation.
Q: Why did you decide to marry someone like Lawrence, whose future seemed bleak then?
Wife: Yes, he had nothing, but beyond that he had vision and bright future which made me to give in. One of the things that I saw in him was that he is a man with a vision. I believe that inside the vision is the provision - money and other things that will make a good husband and home.
Q: When and why did you decide to get married?
Husband: Initially, because of the policy of the Christian Corpers Fellowship of which we were Secretary and Assistant Secretary respectively in Kaduna that bar executive members from maintaining ''serious'' relationship, I could not propose to her earlier as I had wanted. Along the line, I had to break it and went ahead to propose to her. It was during the NYSC period in 1991, a period of cold wheather in far away Kaduna that I had to take the bull by the horn.
Q: What were the initial reactions of your friends when you shared your intention of marrying your wife?.
I recollect very well that when I shared my intention with one of my friends with whom I stayed in a room, he laughed and started mocking at me; wondering why I should marry Folake whom he described as an ugly girl. As stupid as I was, I believed my friend and I withdrew. Later, I discovered that he was always with her; buying her meat pie which I could not afford because I was so poor. I later began to think that if she was that ugly as portrayed by my friend, he would not be going out with her. I later suspected that something was going fishy and that my friend wanted to outsmart me in the relationship. So I went ahead to propose to her one day by saying ''I want to marry you'' She said she would not give me an immediate answer until God knows when, but I insisted that it had to be that day.
Wife: Knowing him, he is just like that; a funny character fellow, who is always humorous, but what he wants, he goes after it doggedly. So when he made the proposition, I told him I would not give him an answer immediately, but he refused to let me be and at the end of the day, I had to give in.
Q:What are the qualities you like that you decided to marry her?
Husband: I like her passion for God, I like her stature, I like her gentle smiles. I like her humility, her relationship with people and her happy disposition to issues. She was and still remains everything that I wanted in a wife.
Q: You had to give in to someone who then could not afford to buy you meat pie
Wife: Yes, at that time he had nothing, but he knew where he was going, even though things (money and others) were not forthcoming at that time, but his confidence and boldness were enough for any serious suitor to fall in and know that great things will happen in future . He is a man of faith who believes in his innate gift which at that time did not manifest, but for me, I saw opportunities that would open up in future which were not there at that time. Beyond that I am someone who believes strongly in God who can do miraculous things in life. He alone can bring from a zero to an hero. He can change a man's zero story to something greater. Anything can happen with God anytime; that I was confident of. As a lady it is not something that you see now that matters before you go into a marriage, but the future potential that may not manifest immediately. For me, I saw an inside that was not made public, but that I know that in future, it would be a thing of joy. I thank God that I did not regret my action.
Q: What were the initial reaction of your parents?
Wife: For me it was a battle, a big one for that matter. We had expected that from our parents because of our different tribes and we were not that perturbed when it eventually came. My father was wondering why I chose to marry someone whose dialect I don't' understand. He expressed the fears that even when they are planning any sinister move, I would not know. I believe it is natural for every parents to feel like that. We had to pray, fast until one day when I told them that if there is going to be fire in the house, I am going, God would not make it to be, but If God made it to be, that means He had something in stock for me and the fire will be extinguished. So when he saw the way I was resolute, one day, my father g0ave in, but it really took a while.
Husband: The first thing my father said was ''so in the whole of (Bendel),Edo and Delta State you can't get any girl to marry. It is only in Yorubaland that you want to go and marry. My siblings were also of the opinion that Yoruba ladies do not know how to cook; that their soup is always watery but I stood my ground; at a point my father said he would not come for the wedding, but after a while, they all accepted and they allowed us to be.
Q: What were your initial challenges as a couple?
Husband: There were not much except character issues, no much challenges in term of our different cultures.
Q: How do you settle differences?
Husband: In the past, we had argued one one or two things that were elementary, but I can remember of any serious one.
Wife: I can't remember any serious ones too, even though like he said we had those that can be described as serious ones, but we surmounted them.
Q: So far , have you encountered any life threatening incident that made you almost regretting the relationship?.
Husband: I thank God for everything about this marriage. I have no regret even when we were confronted with life threatening challenges.
Q: How do you mean with life threatening challenges?
Husband: Twice, since our marriage, devil has tried to separate us through death, but God did not allow it to happen.
Q: How do you know when he is angry?
Wife: He is someone that does not hide his feelings. Once he is angry, he tells you and once you apologise or show remorse, it is over.
Q: What has really kept this marriage for this long
Wife: It is patience, trust, love amd forgiveness. As a couple, we must offend each other, but we must not allow the differences to stay for too long before it is settled.
Q: How many children do you have?
We thank God for the fruits of the marriage, four of them, two males and females.
Q: How do you cope with overtures from the opposite sex?
Wife: It is what every pastor's wife should know that your husband will meet so many other ladies that will be more beautiful than herself, but you must always be confident that your husband will always be your husband. When a woman is confident that her husband loves her, there are certain things that he will do and not do. As a person, I often receive overtures from men, but I always flaunt my wedding ring. Even with this, many men would tell you it does not matter.
Husband: I have to set boundaries which for whatever reason, I must not over step. This has been helping me greatly with the opposite sex. Trust in marriage is very important. Once these are there, the marriage will always succeed. If the wife respects her husband, he will in turn give her love and attention. Once these are in place, there will be peace and joy in the home.
Q: What reasons could you adduce for high rate of divorce in marriage in the country?
Husband: I think it is impatient on the part of the couple. Once any of the couple makes up his or her mind that the marriage would not work, it will definitely not work. From my experience, a couple can make their marriage work and stay together for live if they decide to make it so. In marriage, you don't have to endure, but rather you create the atmosphere of enjoying it. Whatever you do must be intentional and not by force to make your marriage work.
Wife: Marriage is about give and take. Once my husband complains about something; because I want peace to reign in our home, I usually let it be, whether I like it or not. This is a sacrifice that must be given by either the husband or the wife for the marriage to be enjoyed and not to be endured. Communication and understanding is also very important in marriage. One of the problems of marriage which often lead to divorce is lack of communication and understanding. Also, the inability of many couples to listen to themselves is also responsible for the growing number of divorce in the country. Many couples are no longer friends as they used to be when they were courting; they are no longer playing together; they no longer create time and avenues to know each other. When this is not happening, a serious gap is being created. Success in anything is intentional and not by accident.
Q: What's your perception of marriage?
Wife: For me, marriage is a school from where no one graduates; because there is always something new to learn about. One of the things that helped me in marriage is that I entered into it without any alternatives. The world alternative means whatever it takes for it to work, I am ready for it bearing in mind that two of us came from different backgrounds, different tribes made me to know that it would not be a bed of roses, challenges will come in marriage. There will always be that time when there will be disagreements, but once you made up your minds that it's not a trial and error thing, you have no choice than to make it happen to work. That's my own perception of marriage. Marriage makes you more intelligent and makes you drop many attitudes in life. Before you go into marriage, you probably think you are the best in terms of behaviors habits, but in marriage you can't but cut with your rough edges and begin to sharpen yourself, rub yourself until it become smooth, that's what when you become whole and your confidence in life, self esteem in life is boosted. Marriage makes you stand tall. Marriage is made for growth; for increase, it makes you a voice in your own world. In marriage, you become more wiser, you learn more wisdom, makes you more knowledgeable. It is in marriage that you learn to be tolerant even in the midst of annoyance and abuse. It is in marriage that you learn how to relate with people; forgive, respect. Marriage in indeed a school that makes everything about life complete.
Husband: Like she rightly said, marriage is a continuum. You continue to learn and learn until death does you apart. It is good, it makes the world going. It is comfort to humanity. Marriage gives piece of mind. It helps humanity and makes man complete and gives comfort. It makes life full of fun and it has not to be endured, but be enjoyed. Marriage is like a bank account. It is the money you deposit into your bank account that you can withdrawn. If you don’t deposit love, peace and care into your marriage, you are not a candidate of a blissful home. There is no free love in marriage, You cannot love without giving and sacrificing.
Q: What are your pieces of advice to young couples?
Husband: Aside what they read in books, they should understand themselves. Marriage is not something that you read in text books.; it is about experience. You must understand yourselves. Unfortunately most of those who counseled me on marriage have divorced. Nothing a man hates than ignore him when it comes to sex. When a man made a pass at you sexually and you ignore him, you are killing the home. For a woman, when a man is talking to you and you ignore him, you are causing problem. Give yourself due attention. You must blend and learn from each other. Couples must understand themselves; give attention to one another. When there is attention, communication is a done deal. Make up your mind from day one that as you enter the marriage, there is no going back.
Wife: From my experience in the past 25 years, I have come to appreciate that one thing a man looks forward to in marriage is respect. Respect him for what he is, respect his opinion, respect his counsel; give him honor before people, friends. relations. Don't talk down on him. For the husband, love your wife, show affection, take good care of her even it seems you don't have. Give her attention, don't speak ill of her. Let your private issues and discussions be among yourselves and not an outsider. Make her realize that she is the best thing ever to happen to you in life. Assure her everyday of your commitment to her. These are the things that build the homes and give it everlasting peace.
END.